Friday, July 18, 2014

Driving Pet Peeves

My buddy sent me this article from USAToday. It inspired me to come up with my own driving pet peeves list. Enjoy...

1. Not using your turn signal.

Of course, with my last post, this had to be number one. Read more about it here.

2. People that are trying to turn onto the street I'm on, and sticking up to half of their car into the road.

Seriously, people, learn the parameters of the car you're driving. If you think you're in the way of oncoming traffic, you probably are. And if you started to turn, but then realized you couldn't make it, back the fuck up! I'm not looking to get t-boned by you. And I sure as hell ain't looking to swerve out of the way to avoid your stupid ass.

3. Leaving at least three car lengths in front of you when you're stuck in traffic.

Not sure if you think the car you're driving is way too precious to have anyone as much as breathe on it, but when you're leaving that much space in front of you, you're still holding up traffic. Imagine if everyone on the road did what you were doing. No one would get anywhere. Oh, you're on your phone and not paying attention? Great excuse. Inch up, buddy. No one will hit your car. I promise.

4. Passing me on the highway just in the nick of time.

You know you want to pass me, so how about not coming within inches of my car before doing so? I saw you coming from 500 feet away in my rear view and you've had plenty of time to get over. How about not scaring the bejeezus out of me?

5. Motorcycles.

We often hear "Share the road with motorcycles." Ten bucks says you can't find one person who feels this way. It's more like the other way around. Nine out of ten bikers on the road are weaving in and out of cars, switching lanes like crazy, narrowly avoiding the cars they should be sharing the road with. Act like a car and I'll treat you like one. And, by the way, the speed limit isn't meant to be doubled by motorcycles. Die in a fiery crash.

6. Slow out of the gate.

Presumably, you've been driving for more than a week, so you realize the general traffic light patterns. The left lanes have that special green light. Guess who's next to go? If you don't realize you're first in line in a heap of traffic, you're just a dickhead. If I'm counting to three before you step on the gas, expect to hear my horn, even if I'm five cars back.

7. Three-lane changers.

All too often do I see cars go from the left lane to the far right lane just to make an exit. This is pretty...um...what's that word?....DANGEROUS. See also: INSANE.

8. The highway heroes.

Keeping with the multi-lane switching theme, there's always that guy that thinks he owns the road. That he's the only one on the road. Or just thinks he's Dale Earnhardt, Jr. He'll tail you, then pass you on the right, then make a three lane switch and be gone. You can see him coming from a mile away (literally). Please don't be that guy.

9. Left lane is for lazy.

Actually, the left lane is for passing. There's a reason these signs exist. And don't give me the Maryland excuse, where it's supposedly not for passing anymore than any other lane is. Get out of the left lane. Seriously. And the left lane is certainly not for trucks. Especially during rush hour. There's a concept called "keep it movin'." And when you're not part of the cycle of passing and then moving back over to let the next guy pass and move back over to let the next guy pass and move back over, then you're fucking up traffic. Yeah, you have that much power. You can always point out the reason traffic has slowed down when you know it shouldn't be slowed down. It's the slow/oblivious/lazy/texting/stupid/stubborn person in the left lane.

10. Right turn on red.

This was mentioned in the USAToday article by one of the guest commenters. It's also one of mine. Even worse than the driver that doesn't turn right on red is the driver that doesn't heed the quick honk....then the double honk....then the prolonged hooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkk, realizing that it's a pretty good idea to get his head out of his ass that there are other people on the road and those honks are kinda sorta meant for you.

Honorable Mention

-Driving over the center line into my lane. If there was another you coming the other way, then there would be no yous at all. Simple math.

-Tinted windows on cars that limit the driver from making essential eye contact when at a three-/four-way stop sign.

-Driving with your high beams on when you shouldn't be - i.e., when you're coming right at me, especially after being given plenty of time and warning to turn your damn high beams off.

-Driving with your headlights off at night or in the rain and then not heeding the headlight flash warning I give you umpteen times. I hope you get pulled over.


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